MAA.... (Mammy) 20-08-11
I ... “Today I do not have a home, No I pad, No I phone. But what do you have?”
You... “I have my mother with me”
I ....” I do not have my mother with me” She is the one who told me to move out of house when I was unemployed. After my wife left me with my only daughter I gave-up job. Mummy’s bachelor brother retired from military engineering service and settled down with us.
I had been working ever since I was eighteen years old just after completing my diploma in A/C&Ref. in those days my father used to tell me to save my money in the bank. I never listen to him. I give half my salary to mum and my half I will spend it on good cloths, movie and foods. She spent my money on provision and other things.
After my father died of heart attach in ’89 I had to spent money on everything. My brother and sister also gave money to Mum. But they did not want to keep Mum with them. Mum has got a habit of fiddling in their family affair. They do not want mother to poke her nose in their family matter. After I got married only I came to know my mother’s way of manipulating other’s to her advantage. My mother is selfish; she tells enough lies, sarcastic and suspects every one. It was part of her medical problem so we kids never took it seriously. When our servant does not turn up I do the cooking, washing, sweeping and moping. It was part of my life style! Unfortunately my wife also tells lies, sarcastic and does not trust me. My mom and my wife could not get along. It only made my life more miserable.
My mother was schizophrenia patient .we had taken her for treatment for several times. It happens once in five years! There are early warning symptoms. She sits and brood. She become very quite. She may not respond properly. Some time she recite poem or sing songs from her school days or she goes non stop talking. But she was never a violent patient.
Medicines. Mellaril, Largatil, sleeping pills.... if we normal people take 500mg Mellaril we will never come back to life! It is one of the most powerful medicines. After taking medicine she will sleep like a wooden log for more than 48 hours. Her breath and heart beat become very feeble. The sight is very scary. Some of us will be always around her bed side. In her ‘sleep’ we feed semi-liquid food. My sister will give her sponge bath. When she comes around after three days she can not recollect any thing. She had lost three day in her life.
When ever I hear about new medical problem I read more about its symptoms and make sure that I am not suffering from it. Do you have this kind of unknown phobia?
Autism, Aids, Schizophrenia, Dementia, Alzimeir, Arthritis, Sodalities... every body thought Schizophrenia was hereditary. Recently doctors had concluded schizophrenia is not hereditary. What a relief!
My mother should not have worried unnecessarily to become mentally sick. In old age what you should be worried about? You should be only worried for a place to sleep, food, cloths and medicines if you have medical problem. We children were providing all these things. Still she falls sick.
My father had only one wish for old age that he should not became burden of us. After he finished all his Karma (duty as a father, to get married off all his children) he was planning to go to Rishikesh and spent his rest of days as a saint. But before that he died of heart attach. Even I like his idea. In old age we should never become burden for our own family members.
All we Indian Men are mama’s kids. We experience first love and affections from our mother. She serves tasty food. When our father beat us she protects us. She takes most of the beating.... we grow-up men do not cry after our mother. MAA... MAA.... that you will see it only on our third rated Hindi movies. Our mother is very special. Her place is in our heart.
When mother asked me to move out I did not think too much. I know now her brother (my uncle) will take care of her needs. Without a job I should not became burden for them. I moved out of the house..... My eldest sister spoke to my elder sister in Kerala and she took my mother to our native place. She is a kind hearted woman she will take care of my mother.
When you realize you are your own you do not count number of failures. You will only think ways to win mother of all battle called life. My life depends of winning this crucial battle.
Here in India you are successful if only you have money and fame.
I know that I am chasing a mirage.
Between You & Me.
Theist in desperation will call out all his god. KRISHANA...RAMA... GOPALA.. GOVINDA... GO-IN-THA.....GOOOO-IN – THAAAAAAAAA..... (Different avatars of Hindu god) none of his gods will come to rescue him.
My conscience (a small inner voice) tells me “I will be there for you....” it will not solve any of my problems. But it will pacify my chaotic mind.
“I will be there for you.....” Athiest-jivan