my expense. . Believe me
only the person who had a broken heart can understand emotional turmoil.
It is no laughing matter for a man or woman who had experienced …Imagine;
it was only an infatuation from my side but in the end, we both had suffered.
She had her family to fall back but I had none. I still do not know whether it
was my mother or she played a cruel jock with my life. Perhaps I will never
know the truth in my lifetime. Only person who experienced heartbreak knows how
difficult it is to get back to normal life and enjoy life once again. I am at
loss to express my mental agony in words. Looking over my shoulder, I
still cannot laugh at me. Infatuation? Obsession? Or sheer stupidity? This is
what I wrote in my scribbling pad. "When you are in love (even if it is
one way); you lose your heart. Without heart your brain cannot function
properly. You are hopelessly lost forever…" (Should I add shamelessly?).We
never met each other over the past twenty two years…less than two kilometer
away, we lead our own life. Quote from me “Finding a genuine friend in this
material world is one in a million chances. Blessed are those people who found
a genuine friend. Preserve your friendship for a lifetime”.
It was difficult for me to
stay in that same house. My doctor also told me to move to new place and to start
new life. We shifted to nearby colony and started enjoying my celibacy
life. Living with my ailing mother I had
to cook, wash and look after my mother. My mother often reminds me of get
married. I was already forty two years old.
Every time I refused to listen to her.
One day my mother reminds me
that all my friends were married and happily settled down. She asked me. “When am I going to get
married, who is there to look after you after I am gone?” I answered it by
saying, “Ma, marriage means more responsibilities and more expenses. I am
enjoying my bachelor life, I have my freedom and no more obligations “.
After some days I started thinking about
marriage and its pros and cons. After much deliberation I had decided to
publish in matrimonial column for a bride. 5.5 ft., slim, fairs. Religion and
cast no bar, bride for 42-years-old service engineer, c/o National. Chennai
-2. I had received sixteen-reply letter.
Some of the would be in laws want me to convert into their religion, others
offered me money to start my own business and few letters from widows... out of
sixteen reply I had selected only three letters and went for bride
hunting. One was too fat, the other one
was too short and the third girl rejected me!
My sister in
Kerala proposed a girl for me. I had
decided this is going to be the last girl I am going to see. No more brides
hunting. Few days later I received one black and white photo. A girl with pathetic look, Poor soul! My mother approved her by saying, “since she
is also from poor family she will be able to adjust with whatever we have. You
get it checked your horoscope and see whether she suits for you or not” I took
mine and her horoscopes and checked with astrologer. After checking, astrologer
told me “only 10 out of 5 point’s matches. As per astrology a minimum of seven
points should match for a happily married life. He advised me to look for some
other girl. I knew horoscope does not guarantee successful marriages. Success
of any marriage depends on mutual understanding between husband and wife. “Do
people in love check their horoscope?" “Does other part of the world check
horoscope before getting married “? This is the last girl I am going to see,
either marriage or no marriage for me.
Next day I took
my fiancé’s photograph to my office. My colleagues made few comments like “she
is okay for you…She will suit you…" She was tailor made for you! ".
My mother and all others approved her so I decided to meet her personally. As
per our custom, formal meeting between bride and bridegroom was arranged at her
home. I took leave from office to meet her personally at her resident in
Calicut. My sister in Calicut accompanied me to her home. It was a simple
ceremony. You get a chance to talk to your fiancé personally. We went to her
house in the evening.
She brought me coffee and sweets. We exchanged
very few words .she was very shy but managed to ask me few questions.
She: “Do you like me”?
I: “you are Ok!”
She: “Do you smoke”?
I: “Yeah!”
She: “Will you stop smoking after marriage”?
I: “I will try my level best to quit
smoking”
I: “Do you like me”?
She: “Yes. I like you”…
After the formal
ceremony I left for Chennai. In about two months’ time our marriage took place
at Guruvayur temple in Kerala as per our tradition. As per our marriage ceremony I was asked to
pray at the temple. Being an atheist, it
was difficult for me to pray, but at last I prayed! ‘O’ God! There should never be any fight between
us”!
After the
marriage and reception, we returned to Chennai by train. Our first night was
spend in crammed second-class compartment of train… We went on talking (discovering
each other) until we fell asleep! There goes my first night down the drain… I
mean nothing happened not even physical contact. Even in our small rented
house, there was no privacy.
On the second night after
the dinner at around 10.pm, my wife came to my room with a glass of milk in
Indian style (As per our customs). After drinking milk, I asked her to sit next
me on the bed. Guess what were her first spoken words? She asked me a simple
question.” Have you ever had physical contact (sex) with any other woman
"? I thought she was waiting for a chance to ask me this question because
at the time of marriage engagement she did not dare to ask me this question. If
your wife had asked you same question in the first night how would you react to
it? I am an Aquarian. Stupid and brutally honest .I just said "yes!”. All
hell broke loose …she went on crying…. In between sobs and weeping, she managed
to say, “I preserved my virginity for my man”. (Till the age of 36!) And you
are not a virgin man! “Virginity? I think it is “Issue over tissue”. Can a
tissue save married life? I think success of married life depends on mutual
understanding between husband and wife.
